I'm so very sorry for neglecting you. You see, there's this thing called Instagram - and it allows me to post snippets of my daily life, quotes, short messages of encouragement and effortlessly stay active in promoting my message.
Sometimes writing for you can be daunting. I worry about word count. I never know what to call you. I wonder if my posts are as funny and thought provoking as some others. I struggle to find time to sit at the computer and most my Instagram posts are written whilst breastfeeding a toddler.
But - my new goal is to write more often. I am looking forward to it.
In the meantime, this is what I've been up to:
"And in case people weren't sure what to prepare for lunch too. I've just roasted these chickpeas in cumin, corriander seeds, olive oil and maple syrup. I plan to serve them with some rice and some fruit for dessert. Yum!"
"Monday feels. It's a public holiday and I still somehow can't keep up!"
"I asked Cadence to pick out some special things to take with us to our playdate. The bag remained in the car."
"There is no shame in having a mental illness. There is no shame in asking for help. And there is certainly no shame in recovering. Although you can feel as though the stigma will swallow you whole at times. And the memories haunt you. But hang in there. You got this."
"Tea parties with my fave babe."
""Yes, my baby is 20 months. No, she doesn't sleep through the night. No, it's not my fault. No, I will not let her cry. Yes, I'm losing my mind. Good day to you, not so kind stranger". I have now come to dread small talk in supermarket lines and doctors appointments.
Currently standing in the kitchen on Instagram using borrowed time. The little munchkin will be awake any moment and I haven't done any of the housework I promised myself I'd do! Lingering by the stove counts as dinner prep, right?!"
"[ Self care. ] As a mum, this can be hard to manage. My self care at the moment is settling an unhappy toddler, coming out and having a chocolate biscuit before brushing my teeth and heading off to bed for the night shift. But it's easy to forget how much you can actually incorporate into your day. I had a week where I stopped wondering what hell would be like because I was in it (and not just because there's 2 days worth of dishes in the background). It's amazing what a difference lighting a candle can do to the vibe. Lighting a candle, diffusing some oils, putting on some music, opening all the windows or putting the kettle on the "keep warm" setting for when you have a spare moment are all achievable things! When we have the "I'm-a-mum-therefore-I-have-no-time" attitude, it can be hard to see past that and we neglect ourselves. So start small this weekend! And you'll be incorporating massages and long walks on the beach before you know it 😉"
"Friday night feels after I reflect on the week that was. Motherhood has thrown me a curve ball (after I'd just juggled the last few thrown at me simultaneously). I have to keep reminding myself how well I'm doing. And the little giggles, kisses and all the fun reminds me every day."
"What's worse than being sick? When your baby is sick. Attached to the boob, cried all day, won't sleep. Send me wellness and sleepy dust!!!"
"Okay people. What the HELL happens at 20 months?! I assume separation anxiety, perhaps 2 year old molars?
I'm weak. My aches are aching. Everything feels impossible. I'd love a pep talk. How do I get through this? I'm so sleep deprived I'm probably microsleeping right now. And I feel really alone. I speak to people and they say: "yes it's hell" but that doesn't even accurately describe it. Or they tell me I need sleep. Yes, I know. But I know I'm definitely not alone. Show of hands - who also got up 4 times last night and co slept on a shitty floor mattress and thinks about how dumb they were assuming their baby would sleep when they turned one?"
"[ BREASTFEEDING AND IRON ] I am by no means an expert on the subject. However, I learnt a few months ago that your recommended iron intake is the same as it was when you were pregnant. I had to really boost mine during pregnancy and avoided an infusion by looking at my diet. Once Cadence was born, I stopped worrying about it. Silly me! Sleep deprivation and borderline anemia AND hashimotos is actually no fun. I can vouch for that. And I've noticed in the past that iron supplements can make Cadence really unsettled. Since I've been supplementing iron, we've had the worst month of sleep. It's like I have a newborn again. Actually, it's much worse. And it's like I have postnatal depression again from the lack of sleep. I'm so foggy. I literally don't know how I'm driving a car. So I'm conducting a little experiment and not supplementing but looking at my diet again. This smoothie has 42% of my daily intake (note: I had more than one glass!) Red kidney beans, chia seeds, cacao, soy milk, dates, a little vanilla and water. Has anyone else experienced a fussy toddler whilst supplementing iron? I keep getting told there's isn't a correlation but my mummas instincts are telling me otherwise (and they've never been wrong)."
"Mums are amazing - whether it be what you're wearing, what you're eating, whether there's enough time all the day to do all of the things! No wonder we are exhausted. Always thinking, always planning, sometimes worrying."
Follow The Postnatal Project (@thepostnatalproject) on Instagram to see more!
But I'll also see you soon, blog.
Zelma B x